Saying Goodbye to Bella...

There is a very good but sad book called "Saying Goodbye to Lula"...which is about a dog who lives a wonderful life, gets old, and passes away. I read this book to Braxton and Blaze a few years before we got Bella, and I thought they would never be the same again. When we got Bella, I imagined her life much the same at Lula's...we would raise her and when it was her time to go, she would die peacefully. However, Bella's life was cut short (only being 1 1/2 years old...still a puppy). Sadly her story was similar to that of "Old Yeller". Still unsure How? Bella contracted rabies; even though she was up to date on all of her shots. On the night of October 14th, she was barking more than usual, but we went to bed and did not think much of it. The next morning, however, would be a day we would never forget. One of Braxton's daily chores was to feed Bella every morning. We awoke the morning of the 15th, to Braxton coming into Dan and I's room; expressing his concern about Bella. He said there was slobber all over the cement and Bella was trying to kick the side of the wall. Of course we got up immediately to see what was wrong. We looked out the back door window and she was staring at the wall (almost in a trance)? When Dan tapped on the glass, she didn't move, but when he opened the door a crack, she bolted across the yard as if something had scared her to death. He then called her name several times to come, but she acted as if we were complete strangers with her tail tucked between her legs. Without saying a word, Dan and I looked at each other and he said, "she might have rabies?" Immediate tears rolled down Braxton and Blaze's cheeks, because they have seen "Old Yeller" and knew the outcome of our morning would probably have a similar ending to that of the movie. Dan looked up rabies on the Internet and sure enough she had most of the signs. We learned that she could have been bitten or even scratched by a bat, skunk, coyote, or cat. Even though we have a tall brick wall surrounding our house, unfortunately all of the animals mentioned live by us. We never noticed a bite mark, but a tiny scratch could have done the trick up to two weeks before seeing any symptoms. We also learned that sometimes excitable dogs can become docile or scared; which is how Bella was behaving. With fear, uncertainty, and tears in our eye's, we hugged the boys and Dan took them to school. With Berlyn and Briggs by my side, I watched Bella closely from our glass door. Her eye's looked glazed and she would snarl at me if I called her name, but never came back to the house. She was not the same Bella...her soul was gone. In the mean time, Dan had stopped by the Veterinary Clinic to get a second opinion. They told him the rabies shot is not always effective and there is no sure way of knowing unless an autopsy of her brain was performed after death. Feeling worse than before, Dan knew it was only going to be a matter of time before the inevitable was going to happen. He didn't say much when he got home, but I knew the terrible job that was lie before him. I shed a few tears, gave him a hug, put Briggs down for a nap and decided to take Berlyn into town with me. It wasn't even 1 hour when I received a text from him informing me "it is done." Dan was very quiet when we got home and we had some quiet moments. Berlyn didn't understand what was happening, but cried with me. Dan had Bella buried behind our house before the boys got home from school. They were heartbroken and cried all the way home from school. Dan and the boys made a wooden headstone and I printed a recent picture and painted her name with birth and death date. We gathered around her grave as a family and said a few words about her, but mostly stood in silence. I didn't know it would affect us so greatly, but the entire week was filled with lots of love, tears and laughter between us. Braxton, being the mature individual that he has always been, said, "Mom...loosing Bella was hard, but we will be able to replace her...we would never be able to replace a family member if we lost them." It was so profound, and it reminded me how precious life really is. Bella was challenging for me and I only really bonded with her and learned to love her 2 months prior to her death. She was a hyper Mastiff who liked to jump. My focus and attention was mostly on Briggs because he was the priority. When I attempted to play or train her, I would end up frustrated instead. With all of that said, I grieved for her like I had lost a real family member and went through the 5 stages of grief. Since her death, I have reflected on the meaning of life and how we have to make the most of every stage because you never know when you have to "say goodbye".